Wednesday, June 24, 2009

and here's another one...

a teacher in one of the bais yaakov schools told her class how she was very inspired by something she heard while passing the Bais Rochel elementary school (Bais Rochel is super right wing/yeshivish/no denim out of school/a step away from chassidish).

The girls were playing machanayim and shouting, "The ball is not alive! It's a not alive ball!"

The BY teacher told her class, "I thought it was so refined and inspiring, a much nicer word than dead!"


I think it just proves they have a limited English vocabulary and make poor word choices.

Ma, there is a not alive bug on my pillow. The interior light was left on and now my car battery is not alive. Gentlemen, that idea is not alive in the water.

I get it. We are different. Saying to a person, "you touch that, buddy, and you are dead meat" is not the most polite or mentchlach way to talk. Speech is very important to us, choice of words are a reflection of how we live and what is meaningful to us. No arguement there. But what is wrong with saying dead?
This is Monsey. We revel in not using the correct words. for example:

A member of the armed forces? an army man
paper towels are called towel paper (like toilet paper) amongst the Rockland Kosher crowd.

I don't want to go with you but.

My mother she doesn't let me go.

and there is a difference between limited vocabulary and yinglish.



I couldn't make this up. This is one that even if I wanted to show how insane some schools are, I wouldn't have thought of this:
Bais Yaakov of Monsey will not be having dances in their concerts anymore.
Instead, there will be hand movements coordinating with the music. Which is already quite filtered and limited.
Because dancing is unTzniyusdik.

What, exactly, did Miriam do at the Yam Suf?
She stood there in her pleated skirt and buttoned up heavy cotton blouse two sizes too big and waved her hands. While off to the side, probably hiding under a sand dune, other women banged out a tune. With their almost stationary feet. And of course Miriam and the other women did NOT raise their hands over their head. Because their blouses may have become untucked. Or the movement of had raising would cause the blouse to ride up slightly over their female bodies.

Of course, since no other body part was moving, it didn't matter that they weren't wearing dangly jingling earrings. Little pearl studs don't move.

but this is actually not too surprising. for those of you who have attended these concert/plays (which take as long as speeches in the kremlin) this is the logical eventual outcome of a lot of rules and regulations.
1. most of the plays have seriously cut down on the number of male characters. Those that remain are either priests, rabbis, or fathers with zero personality and horrid dialogue
2.any scene that does have a male in it is short, and if there is a female, they stand further apart that a chassidish couple on their first "bshow"
3. since you can't have men wear pleated skirts, and still be considered a male character, all pants are loose concoctions with the crotch sewn in at the knees. sort of like pants falling down, but the waistband sits on the waist. and the jackets, usually procurred from older brothers who are 6'3" and weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 175 lbs., come down to that crotch at the knees. add to that a banged up hat covering half the face, and ALWAYS a girl with the longest hair in school, and they don't look like men. they look like fugitive migdets with speech impediments (they all mumble).

I do believe we have a problem with too many of our beautiful bnos yisroel pushing the limits with hemlines and tight tops. Especially if they are from homes that disapprove of such dress. But don't these principals and champions of tzniyus realize that their ridiculous rules and limits are contributing to our girls rebelliousness?

I think this same school had allowed a G.O. several years ago to plan a school trip which included a ropes course. The girls were all psyched- and then the ruling was issued, as I heard it from a G.O. member : "the ropes course is cancelled, Pas Nisht for bais yaakov girls to be swinging from trees".

I think these people are nuts. And you wonder why you see a BYM graduate 8 years later, married, with a shaitel down to her lower body, tight skirts, zona shoes, and empty 65" high def t.v. boxes on their driveway??

not every bais yaakov in monsey thinks like this one does

the straws is not a new thing. it doesn't look refined. The only reason this rule didn't exist 15 years ago is because water bottles weren't a way to drink. we used fountains. or little cans of shoprite juice.

I think the rabbonim and female principals worry every time there is a new trend. They are so scared of technology or changes in our society, that their knee-jerk reaction is to find a reason to assur it.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Jewish Snopes

It is time for the Jewish Snopes website.

Topics include:
Hashgacha Pratis Stories. I of course believe in Hashgacha Pratis, I just don't believe that all the stories actually happened the way they are told.

Miracles in Israel. Most include animals or Gilguls.

Shidduchim questions. NEVER once have I been asked about plastic/real dishes or types of underwear worn by boy/girl

add some of your own, please!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

My Bubbie Survived Auchwitz, My Dad Helps at Tomchei Shabbos, I Am Glad I Have Feet

What do those seemingly random titles have in common?
They were all put in a Cantata at a girls' graduation.

Instead of the usual boring and long cantata, written by a teacher where every other sentence ends in a verb, this year the school culled one line from each of the 90 graduates' yearbook contribution.
What, you exclaim? How can you take one sentence from each paragraph and make them all sound cohesive?

Guess what! You can't.

AND every other sentence ended in a verb:
My father that morning did to Slichos go,
and so he did miss that burning in-fer-no.
(about 9/11)

My grandma the camps did survive,
and b'chasdei hashem to her health she does thrive
(I would have written "b'chasdai hashem she still does survive" but that sounds a bit too good)

Then there were three lines in a row:
The Kedoshim of Mumbai
My father volunteers at Tomchei Shabbos
I appreciate the gift of sight or some other one of the five senses.

It was really awful.
I am sure the original paragraphs written by the graduates were wonderful. But who had the idea to combine sentences? And then why didn't anyone scream about how ridiculous this sounds?

Okay, this is like the Emperor's New WARDROBE.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Move over, slaughtered Bobov cow, you ain't got nothin' over MY Bar Mitzvah!

At first I really thought it was the newest fad in themed bar mitzvahs. Have it in a jail. Play Jail House (Schlock) Rock. Eat Key Lime Pie. Give out handcuffs to the kids (uh, maybe not).

Hosting his son's bar mitzvah (and because it was such a success, his daughter's vort a few months later) while in prison. Complete with dancing in the prison gym, a kosher caterer, 60 invited guests, including rabbis, and a Famous Jewish Singer.

okay, I am not one to forgo a business deal, but didn't the caterer, the singer, or the guests have any SHAME AT ALL??? Or like, maybe the wife? or, the convict himself?

This isn't like he was in a hospital bed with a broken hip. Maybe Schwekey thought it was a mitzvah concert, like singers some times do (very generously), when visiting kids l/a in the hospital.
When the prisoner called the caterer, and said to him,

Fraudster:"I am calling from the detention center"
caterer: "never heard of that hall, where in boro park are you?"
F:" Actually I am downtown, bottom of a building, and I want you should cater a small simcha, 60 people"
caterer: "No problem, let's talk menu"
F:" .... and only spoons and forks, because, hold on, what? I CAN have knives? thanks, rabbi! thanks, warden! You fellas are mamesh mentchen. You know how to help sooth the pain and discomfort of being in prison!

did the caterer think to say, "I am not sure I am available on that date"?

What rabbi, singer, or guest would actually attend such an event?

Who would want to say to his children and wife, "guess where I went last night, kinderlach?? A PRISON! That's a building where there are lots and lots of CRIMINALS and people who have broken the LAW!! Some of them have even been running away from the POLICE for almost 20 years! They usually have a law that you aren't allowed to bring in knives, cuz, you know, CRIMINALS and PRISONERS might try to escape by knifing or stabbing a guard!!! Hee Hee!! But I went to a SIMCHA there, and there were TONS of knives, but everyone was smiling and singing and eating, it was so beautiful. IT WAS A KIDDUSH HASHEM!

And if appearances are so important that you have to dress a certain way to make sure people know you are from a particular community, why aren't appearances important so people can see you are from a particular community?

Some of us need to think more about how our actions are being viewed across this country and the world. We are the center of everything, let's act in a way that behooves that reputation.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Meshane Shaim, Meshane Mazel

I actually don't think I need different Mazel, and I sort of made up the whole Meshane Shaim part, but I changed the name of this blog because when type in Brooklyn North, you get something from an NYPD squad room. They haven't been too active since 2003, but I figured I'll rename mine. Since I can't really call the squad room of the 77th precinct and ask them to relinquish their name...

I noticed something today when I drove by Yeshiva of Spring Valley, the largest and most mainstream boys' yeshiva here North of Brooklyn. Many of the 8th graders were wearing white shirts. I know it isn't Rosh Chodesh, D-Day, or Yom Ha'atzmaut. Just a plain ol' Tuesday.

So are we becoming more influenced by the rules from the southern New Jersey Torah community??