Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Mommas Shopping in Rockland Kosher

Rockland Kosher is in what my kids call the Kosher Mall- an indoor mall. But not one with arcades and bars and shops you run past when you go with your teenage sons. It has a shoe store, shoe repair, cell phone store, linen, health food, window coverings, kids clothes, jewelry, nice jewish businesses. And a catering hall.

So often, when a Simcha is over, or winding down, you will see well dressed couples shopping for cereal, bread, milk, and snacks. At 10:00 at night. Which is what I was doing when I saw three such couples. Let me explain that on Thursday nights, this store is filled mainly with men. Almost all Chassidish. That is the bulk of their clientele. But of course everyone is welcome to shop there. (though there is a sign posted requesting appropriate dress; sleeves, no shorts, etc). I am cool with that, they can have their standards. Not all mine, but so what!

But I have a problem with the Hot Mommas who come in after a simcha, wearing their "zonah" shoes with heels that could impale a human being and bleed him to death. And please tell me when the covering your knee standard disappeared? Hello, these are people from the parts of Monsey that are NOT modern orthodox! Whose husbands wear hats and whose kids go to the regular yeshivos here! Whose Bais Medrash boys go to right wing Batei Medrashim! (or will when they are old enough). Maybe I am biased (or do I mean jealous) because if I wore shoes that high I would fall on my face. And my knees aren't my best feature, so I like to keep them neatly covered. It also disturbs me because some of these women are nearing 40! I don't begrudge 40 year old women who look terrific and know how to dress well, not at all! Kol Hakovod! But this is too much a teen age look. For how many years can you STILL be lashing out against your Bais Yaakov Teachers??

I felt sad, more than anything else. I recognized some of the women. and I am pretty sure that a few years ago, their knees were covered. And they didn't wear sleazy shoes.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Obnoxious People

There are some people who are just born, and remain obnoxious all their lives.

They ALWAYS have to make a nasty comment. Or point out something mean, even if everyone knows it and sees it and is aware of it. Count on the petty nasty person to feel the need to express it, verbalize it. This kind of individual probably has a sense of humor, lots of friends, and isn't overtly mean. Just the "shtuching" type.

Like when you are in elementary school, and she announces to the class, "I want to give the Bigmouth Award of the year to XXXX because she clearly wins it in this class!" ha ha ho ho. Let's embarrass someone and see if they laugh at being the butt of your jokes.

But sometimes as this person grows up, they become more subtle. You know the type, don't you? Like, they see you when you are 6 months pregnant and showing, and they say (at a bus stop or on line at PTA), "hey, mazel tov! Now I understand why your daughter told us every Sunday in carpool that you vomit every morning! B'sha'a Tova!". The truth is, people don't know how to react to this.

They enjoy pointing out embarrassing situations, minor faults in your children, etc. etc.

And thankfully, for every stupid person like this, there are handsful of polite, nice, thoughtful individuals who may THINK "about time she put on maternity, she's been green and gagging for four months" but they just focus on the positive and say, Abigezunt!

But perhaps it is healthy to meet up with a person like this every now and then. Because you walk away thinking more carefully about how to talk to people. And thinking about what NOT to say to someone.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Problem is You Think You Have to Entertain Them...

All those who send their kids away for the summer, or go away to summer homes, are now back and whining and complaining.

"I have to entertain my children for another week! How many perks do these rebbis and moros need? If THEY had to work a regular full time job, THEY wouldn't want their kids home! Why do our children have to have another week of vacation? Just 'cuz the rest of the world (not to be confused with "the oilom") start after Labor Day, WE have to?"

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. Quite whining. You sound ridiculous:
1. They are YOUR children. This 10 week summer vacation did not start with your kids when tey entered elementary school. Remember? You loved all that vacation time when you were a child, now it is their turn!

2. Stop using the word "entertain". It clearly shows the way you are raising your children. Start thinking about this when they are infants, toddlers, little children. Teach them how to have fun without you orchestrating and controlling every minute. Let them see the joy of being content with being by themselves for a little bit. Allow your children to find fun in mundane things, and teach them WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG that you are not a camp director, and it is okay if they have a few days without running to the mall, having pizza for all meals, spending a free whole day at an amusement park, etc.

3. You know in June that when end of August comes around, you will have to make some plans for your children. Call other moms and make arrangements. It is likely your friends are in the same situation as you are. If not, this is the time to pull out games they haven't played in a while, have them bake for yomtov, or, Gasp! Let them organize ball games, trips to the park, or if older, trips to other places with a parent or two to volunteer to drive them.

4. Let your bigger kids organize a pre- school camp for different ages. Or if you are an entrepreneur, YOU be the camp director and arrange activities and trips for those kids of your friends who are falling apart and have nothing to do with their kids!

and really, stop complaining about the "perks" of teaching. If you aren't in chinuch, you get perks, too. Like every legal holiday off. Like health insurance. Like yearly bonuses or raises.

And if you are in a job that doesn't have those perks, so, you don't have them! Guess what?! Not everyone has it easy! Not everyone has the good life! Not everyone has perks!

Really, it is so tiresome to hear this every year. Make plans in advance.

Sunday, August 23, 2009 has a GREAT sense of humor!!

This is just such a great joke!

I mean, it has to be a joke. otherwise it is just to stupid to even explain., known in Eli's Bagels and Mechel's as Vosizneias, has an article about how two AP photographers took pictures of chareidi women at a separate beach in Tel Aviv.
The outrage!
The lack of Privacy!
The Lack of Sensitivity to the Orthodox Chareidi Woman (sorry, Lady)!!
The Rudeness!
The Trickery!

So of course I had to look at the picture to see if it's some Ortho Babe from Bnei Brak.
Maybe it would even be a relative or someone I'd recognize! Hey, Israel ain't that big.
The article pointed out that the faces were "edited out". Oh well, still worth a look.



It is just so untzniusdik to see women in their shapeless housedresses and stockings. And turbans. Those AP photographers should be ashamed that they photographed women at a separate beach dressed as if they were going shopping or watching their kids in the park.

An outrage. Time to throw diapers and burn cars

Friday, August 21, 2009

Each One of You Are Special- But Why Are You Different?

Yes, that confusing title is the message being sent to our children today. Mainly the girls, but the boys as well. I love it when there is a "theme" of the year, such as
"Bishvili Nivra Ha'olam" (someone help me figure out how to insert hebrew letters here),
or "Our Individuality Is What Makes Us Special"
or "Hashem Loves All Of Us, Even If We Are Not Perfect",
or the best, "You Don't Have To Impress Other People To Be Accepted".

What a load of malicious duplicity we are inflicting on our children!!

OF COURSE we don't want them to be individuals! They must all dress the same way. A girl who loves bright colors cannot wear anything too colorful, since there are rules (here in Monsey, anyway) about shoe color, tights color, earring color, probably coat color. You know those cute Claire's earrings, that are in the shape of a flip-flop or a banana? Ossur. To0 "rechovi".

The twelfth grade in my daughters' high school wanted to order sweatshirts. They were told they couldn't get hoodies, or sweaters/sweatshirts with zippers. Not a refined look. Guess what, Menahalos! Some people like to dress casual. Dare I say it? Even shlumpy! Sloppy! Not intentionally, but that is their preferred mode of dress. Blazers and formal clothes are not exactly appealing to the average 15 year old! So when did "refined" become the only way to dress tzniusdikly?

And I think that the reason so many girls push the limits regarding clothing is because they see the message they are getting with all these "themes" and Yomei Iyun is that, they aren't REALLy allowed to be individuals. They must conform to a set a rules defined more and more by the chassidish world, and being viewed everywhere as the only way to be a true right wing frum person.

Read the article in last week's Mishpacha Magazine (which I love every week, btw). About people being drawn to the chassidish world and it's effect on them and their relationships with family. There is very little vocal opposition to the masses being enthralled by everything chassidish.

And our principals and moros and teachers and rebbeim need to stop panicking that if someone wants to be a little out of the box, different, creative, it means they are on the road to decadence and immorality.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Lights Are On, But Nobody's Home

Thank you G6 for your creative and amusing title. It has been put to good use.

what's with flashing or honking friends as you drive by? I was at an intersection off of 306 this afternoon when I heard wild honking. I whipped my head around and shrieked to my kids, "what?! what is it? Do I have a flat? Did I run over a streimel? was it a streimel on a head? Is there a cop honking me? who is it? who is it?"

My kids stopped talking and just stared at me. I had a wild look and my whipping around flipped my shaitel into my mouth, and the ends got caught on my sunglasses. I was frightful looking.

Thank you to my friend who doesn't call me but feels the need to honk like a meshugana when she sees me.

flashing someone from behind them. I was waiting to turn a corner, when a minivan pulled up behind me, like really, really close behind me. then she started flashing her headlights. First I thought, "Are my lights on but they shouldn't be? Are my lights off when they should be on? Did I go through a red light? Was I suppose to turn?"
then I got annoyed and thought, no way is that female flashing her brights because I didn't make the left turn when there was a five second break between the 18 wheeler and the school bus. She must be kidding! I was really irked and distracted, then my youngest shouted, "Hey Ma! It's your friend _____!!"

when I drive, I drive. I flash my brights if it is 8:45 and getting dark and oncoming traffic doesn't have their lights on.

And I honk when someone is walking with their back to the traffic three feet off the shoulder. Or when I pull into a driveway to pick someone up.

You want to talk to me? great! CALL ME ON THE PHONE!!

now come up with a title for this post

Friday, July 24, 2009

I saw a couple today

today as I pulled into a parking lot I saw a couple getting out of a Camry.
The car looked well maintained, and they looked young, so I assumed they are a relatively new young couple. The guy came out first. He was not too tall, but well built. The latest in (what looked to me) cool athletic footwear. He had strong features, beautiful blue eyes (we got out of our car almost at the same time, and I notice blue eyes), Check Spellingand said something to his wife that made him smile- and it was a great smile.
He quickly stepped around the back of the car to get his wife, who was coming out of her side. She had beautiful auburn hair (the two inches of it I could see) and he said something to her that made her laugh- the classic tinkling sweet laugh you read about in Victorian novels and wait to hear. That was her laugh. He took her hand and they went into the store. I thought about how happy they looked. They have their whole future ahead of them, prime of their youth, a lifetime of raising kids, building relationships, enjoying life together. I sighed and thought how fast those 23 years have gone for me, since I was first married. Happy times, but gone by so quickly.

Later I saw an older couple getting out of a Toyota Camry. Actually, an old couple. The man was short and gave the appearance of having once been well built. He was wearing what was probably the latest is comfortable orthotic footwear, solid and comfortable. He had blue eyes which looked alert but he blinked a lot and rubbed his eyes. He leaned into the car and said something to his wife- and smiled a smile that probably still thrills her. He slowly made his way around the back of the car, holding onto the trunk for support, and pausing at least once. When he got to his wife to help her out, I could see her hair was dyed auburn - probably trying to keep the color it once had been in her youth. He said something to her that made her laugh, a slow, trembling, delicate laugh, low timbre. Her hand shook a bit as she gave him her hand, and together they slowly shuffled towards the store. I thought of how they had probably been a lifetime together, raising a family, seeing happy times and hardships, going through their prime years and now their golden years. They were now as they had been when they were first married, just older, more comfortable with each other, more entwined.
I hope those years will be so wonderful for me. I didn't think the first 23 would go by so quickly, and I hope the next decades are filled with happiness and contentment. Like I saw on the faces of both couples.